Day 2

5.03: Painful awakening. You should get some sort of early warning to help with the shock. The radio just jolts Frankenstein-like into life, which is disorientating – not least because I now wake up before the Today Programme. Before Radio 4, even. It’s so much more cruel to be yanked into consciousness by the World Service and its Global Briefing: like being born in a bed of nettles.

5.44:Myspacebarhasstoppedworkingforsomereason.Whichisveryfrustrating.

6.01:Damnablething.Thisisimpossible.Sorelytemptedtodrownmykeyboardinasack.

6.22:.The.battle.between.man.and.keyboard.still.rages.

Ive.taken.the.thing.apart.and.cleaned.the.contacts.but.without.luck.

The.dash.and.apostrophe.keys.protesting.too.

Heroically.Im.going.to.press.on.writing.longhand.&.posting.in.this.unsatisfactory.manner.

Sometimes.I.think.the.modern.worlds.against.me.

Technical.support.appreciated.

6.57: Small progress. Now the spacebar produces the character string: “`zxcv”. It also turns up the volume. Apostrophe gives “ASDF”, ejects the CD tray and turns Caps lock on. Dash wretches out “-§12345”. My computer’s turned into the girl from, the Exorcist vomiting Satanic gibberish. Maybe it’s screen’s going to start revolving.

The power of Christ compels thee.

Safex `zcvo `zx,say, `zxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxa xxxdisappointing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoxxxxxxxxxrnixxxxxxxng.

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~ by David Thorley on October 20, 2009.

4 Responses to “Day 2”

  1. Time for a new keyboard. Did you spill coffee on it? Fall asleep drooling on it? Something’s messed up in there.

    • Blast it, I knew you were going to say that. As you can probably tell, it descended further into madness and started churning out an unstoppable stream of “x”s, which even splurged on into oblivion when I confiscated theX key. No coffee inside; no drooling; just pure mechanical pyschosis.

      I looked at new keyboards on the Mac store, but they don’t sell ones which go with my version of OSX anymore. They say you have to have 4 & I’ve only got 3.9.

      Do you know somewhere I could find a suitable keyboard companion for an elderly iMac with alphanumeric incontinence?

      • USB keyboards are pretty much just keyboards. You plug one it works. Apple’s ones are a bit pricey, but if you go for another brand then make sure it’s an Apple layout one or you’ll get a bit confused about why some keys are in different places.

  2. Right. I’ll have a look for something less harebrained at lunchtime. Ta.

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