Day 49

5.01: Following politics in the UK has become a bit like watching an ITV documentary about Parkinson’s disease. It’s just an exercise in voyeurism: peeking in on the saggy bag of woe that is Gordon Brown’s slow and steady decline. He resembles nothing so much as a taxdermied walrus with the sand leaching out of his ears.

And if Andrew Rawnsley is to be believed, the Prime Minister’s outward collapse has been presaged for sometime in psychological breakdown. Like a jilted sixth-form, lover, Brown shouted at Tony Blair in 2006, “you’ve ruined my life.” No-one who thought politics in Britain reminded them of an episode of Grange Hill is likely to have their mind changed by Rawnsley.

The best of Rawnsley’s ‘revalations’ (“historical and untrue,” says a Guardian’source’) is that, suspecting a sneaky plan by Blair – admittedly a sneak in the serpentine class – Brown raged, “You put fucking Milburn up to it. This is factionalism! This is Trotskyism! It’s fucking Trotskyism!”

What I want to know is, why can’t we vote for that Gordon Brown? Imagine how much better of  a Prime Minister this guy would make. It’d be like electing a cross between Gregory House and Rab C Nesbit. Things would get done, and distractions would be snubbed. Copenhagen summit?  “Mead-drinking pansies?” USA? “Gun-toting truckers.” Middle East? “Ach, nothing but au pairs and hair oil.”

Obviously the Labour party should have dropped Gordon Brown long ago, but only now has a credible replacement emerged. Vote Gordon-Fucking-Brown.

6.48: Still pressing on, one foot in front of the other. At the risk of sounding like Cormac McCarthy, sometimes it’s all you can do.

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~ by David Thorley on February 26, 2010.

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