Day 59

5.03: The old guy’s wrestled some demons. He’s been fighting the mean slippery fuckers for a good half century, and he’s in his 86th year himself by now. Been a few times round the block he has; seen a trick or two.

What do you do when your exorcist goes off message?

Papal devil slapper, Father Gabriele Amorth has departed from his script. The half-dead First Beast Slayer of the Vatican calls foul: “When one speaks of ‘the smoke of Satan’ [a phrase coined by Pope Paul VI in 1972] in the holy rooms, it is all true – including these latest stories of violence and paedophilia.”

Tough talking Gabby. Now, at the end of your life, let rip as only an old man can. Go Da Vinci Code. Take on the Vatican’s might all the way to the top of the fruit-tree. Strip apart the Popemobile, and banish the bugs and the things that go bump in the night from its glovebox.

But don’t get your hopes up: the guy’s as mad as a bag of cats. Of course he is. He’s spent his entire life happy slapping 70,000 of hell’s invisible henchmen that he thinks live in the cupboard under the stairs.

He thinks Hitler and Stalin were possessed by Satan, and JK Rowling’s the editor of the devil’s in-house newsletter. He once spilled his guts to Giles Brandreth.

But what the hell. Blow Gabriele blow. By all means, zap the paedoes. Run those Satanic horses off the ranch. And while you’re at it, have a crack at that jackass in a hat who drives the tiny Flintstones car. Anyone that goes about like a drunk after a curry spraying this sort of diarrhoeal dribbling surely deserves a couple of lashes from the exorcist’s magic belt.

6.53: Cut it which way you will, it’s still another morning typing in the dark. So I’ve done a couple of hours typing. Don’t know what more you can ask of me really.

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~ by David Thorley on March 12, 2010.

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