Day 66

On hitting retirement age, Harrison Ford donned the cowboy hat once more, and slung the whip again from his pants elastic to make that comeback Indiana Jones film: Indiana Jones, The Prostate Years.

No such comeback’s necessary for Iggy Pop; ol translucent trousers never went away, though was (presumably) drugged, kidnapped, chemically castrated, and forced at anal-probe-point to sell car insurance on the telly.

At 62, he’s still on tour, but he has announced his retirement from stagediving, after four decades’ unbroken service. I hope the skinny teenagers, who over the years have wept salt tears at their close encounters with his flying boot, dripping torso, and thrusting crotch, have clubbed together to buy him a gold clock.

The Guardian wonders if this will mean that rock music grows only more sterile and stage-managed. Then decides it won’t.

Sensible Mark Beaumont (who I’m guessing’s never stage dived in his life, as he doesn’t seem to know the protocol, or the difference between stage diving and crowd surfing) says, “surely the brief thrill of kicking people randomly in the face as you are carried aloft is tainted by the knowledge that you’re about to spend the rest of the gig in an alley behind the venue with a bouncer’s boot print on your backside.”

Hmm. So there’ll be no more Iggy flying towards you, all streaky hair and teeth, like some leathery harpy. These things run their course; life’s a brief candle. But it sounds like his fans – taking a break from cramming fistfuls of Brie into their dental-flossed gobs to catch up with their one-time kid-trampolining hero in the Guardian – ran out of patience for rickety rockstar rollicking long before Iggy’s hips creaked off the crash bar.

6.58: Slow going this morning, but  new chapters always start slowly. I’m on the twenty fifth now, and that’s something I’ve learned. They sputter like old Citroëns for the first few hundred words, then start careering downhill like the brake line’s been cut. Enjoy the sputtering’s something else I’ve learned.

~ by David Thorley on March 24, 2010.

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