Day 72

5.02: No bandwagon is too clapped-out and sputtering for Therebeforelight to jump on, no coat tails too threadbare for me to ride, so this morning I want to talk to you about Easter. For no reason other than I missed my chance to do it last week.

I wanted to talk to you about it then, but I was too busy hawking small twitching nodes of alien matter out of my lungs, and spent the week coddling my brian in heavy-duty antibiotics and then sitting up all night as wide awake as a tawny owl on Pro Plus and Smarties.

To begin this morning’s lecture, we need quickly to rehash the history of The World. So  here goes: God made The World, because he was bored, and discovering it was a bit like a Scalectrix model of Brands Hatch, but without any cars, stuck Man in there to liven things up a bit. Being a narcissist, he created Man in his own image, but being a sadist, he gave him Free Will to fuck things up as he pleased. Man was supposed to be perfect, but he wasn’t, and ended up going off the rails to the point that in about 33AD, He’d run quite amok. “Something needs to be done,” thought God, deciding that the best way to put right his mistake would be to co-opt the Roman Army and have them nail his only begotten Son to a plank of wood on a hill.

So a couple of millennia of Chinese whispers later, it should hardly be surprising that there are people in the world still nailing other people to bits of wood, because God did it. It’s your classic primary school “if Gary Mason told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?” schtick. Except Gary Mason, in this analogy is God.

And it should hardly be surprising that the moral compass of the Catholic church has gone so haywire, it can teach that centuries of systematic child abuse amounts to “petty gossip,” while the film Avatar is “a wink towards the pseudo-doctrines which have made ecology the religion of the millennium.”

Catholics are easy to pick on, so I did. It’s early in the morning, & I’ve got a novel to write: I can’t be going through the sordid histories of every denomination. But they’re sordid.

I’ll get on with some work instead, and leave you with Bill Hicks’ thoughts about Easter.

6.57: Well that seemed to go pretty well. In this continuing tale of failure and comebacks, that was the strongest return to the fray. (Measured in word count, that is: I could still be pumping out a foaming torrent of gibberish). Perhaps I need to rant rabidly for a few minutes before beginning every morning. Can someone ring up before bedtime tonight and anger me please?

~ by David Thorley on April 12, 2010.

2 Responses to “Day 72”

  1. How about if we were to ring you at about two in the morning? That might get you even more angry.

    Nice to have you back, though.

  2. You could ring me at 2am and whistle Oh What A Beautiful Morning, tunelessly, then keep calling back until I ate the telephone. That would be quite annoying.

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