An Open Letter to My Burglars

Dear The People Who Keep Breaking Into My House And Stealing My Computer,

All I know about you is that you wear Nike Trainers and ski gloves, and that your hobbies include clambering into the homes of others and removing IT equipment.

Why? Are you building a super computer shaped like a giant person that will crush buildings beneath its size 400 Pentium boots? If so, come to the door and ask for a lend – it’s so much more civilised than putting a shovel through the window, and, in any case, I’m always glad to help. Anything for a good cause.

And if that is the case, then there’s really no need to put yourself to the trouble of turning the place over for anything else of value. You’ve called on me a few times now: quaint though it is, I think we can dispense with some of the protocol.

Having said that, I very much hope you enjoy ENO’s Tosca next week, as you seem to have taken a fancy to my tickets for that. All I can say is you’d better fucking go.

Yours sincerely,
David Thorley

~ by David Thorley on May 13, 2010.

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