Day 104

5.03: I once wrote a song called God Sent Stoke-on-Trent, in which the refrain was “Stoke-on-Trent was sent to try us.”

I was thinking fondly of the old homestead and its peculiar challenges (burly men calling one another “Duck,” making an incinerator on the side of a hill one of your primary social centres). But some people are rather more town proud than me.

Some people reckon Stoke-on-Trent is no less than one of rock ‘n’ roll history’s landmarks and deserves recognition for that.

One such is Nile Plumb, who seems to have been named after a builder of starter homes. A Nile Plumb House is a Happy House.

Anyway, Nile Plumb: Small Homes for Families with Big Plans has decided that Stoke-on-Trent’s two most raucous sons deserve statues, and that the axe-weilding figures of Lemmy and Slash should top the escalators at the Potteries Shopping Centre, or perhaps stand upon a bottle kiln like Brian May beginning the Queen’s jubilee party.

This is a picture of a bottle kiln for the uninitiated. Built by Nile Plumb’s ancestors.

I don’t have much more to say on the subject, other than: “I think this is a brilliant idea.” And I’d like to go a step further and suggest robotic guitar shredding statues that rove around the city tearing up fretwork like a wolf savaging a bunny. I want to see robo-windmilling on Festival Park, and high-kicking down the D Road.

Sign up to Nile Plumb: Building the Space You Make Your Memories In’s Facebook group right now.

One word of warning though: let’s not get carried away. Wandering animated effegies of rock heroes is fine, but let’s stop there. If I go home and find a shrine to Anthea Turner in Trentham Gardens, or even so much as a Bruno Brookes bench on the Brampton, there’ll be hell to pay.

6.56: Almost a flawless performance from Stuart this morning, which is bit like describing a session at a BNP-led council as “all but free of racial tension.” Stuart’s flaws are riddling his insides like woodworm, but you get the hang of the old ones and eventually just settle for being happy when there aren’t any new. Hopefully, at least, he isn’t a racist. He’s part of the marginalised minority of the obsolete elderly these days, and we all know this breeds prejudice. I bet he secretly hates Vista. Coming over here, stealing his jobs…

7:00: Yet again, he failed me at the last minute, and I had to publish the last bit of the post on an iPhone. It came all the way from China, Stuart, to do the job you were too grumpy to finish. You’ve got to move with the times, old man.

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~ by David Thorley on August 19, 2010.

2 Responses to “Day 104”

  1. What about if it was Anthea AND Wendy?

    • Wendy? I’m running through my internal checklist of Stoke-on-Trent celebrities: Morrisey, Hancock, Brookes, Turner, Bough, Williams, Wilkes… It’s a hell of a Rugby 7s team, but I don’t think any of them are called Wendy, unless it’s Neil Morrisey’s secret middle name.

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