Day 113

5.05: Quickly Agent Benson, take this aluminium briefcase and carry your sorry ass as fast as those punk pin spindle legs can scram down to Barnes & Noble.

Ever the literalists, the Pentagon is trying to stop the secrets uncorked by Anthony Schaffer’s book Operation Dark Heart from ever leeching out of the bottle by buying every copy.

Every last goddam one, in a printrun of 10,000. Surely this is the logic of Baldrick: “I though if I owned the bullet with my name on it…”

Only Nazis, dolts, and fundamentalist fuckwits think that burning (or in the Pentagon’s case pulping) books is an effective way of putting the mockers on their wider dissemination.

I’m willing to bet there’s a few of each category lounging casually over the Pentagon break-out room’s pink ping-pong table. But if you’re in any doubt that they’re solid gold dumbasses, let’s hear what the secret they’re trying to suppress is:

“How the US military top brass missed the opportunity to win the war against the Taliban.”

Pulping that kind of material doesn’t really smack of an organisation eagar to learn from its mistakes.

Agent Benson, we’ve been fighting these poncho-swaddled cave wallahs for 10 years and, in all that time, we haven’t deviated from the military strategy as set out in the Death Star handbook for beating Ewoks.

Well that’s all as it should be Sir, maybe we should crack open another tube of Pringles and watch a ballgame.

6.56:  How do you know when it’s the end? I think I might have reached it. Crikey. Anyway, even if it is the end, and it might not be, even when you do get to the end, there’s still so much to do, it’s hardly noticable that you got to the end in the first place. In short Therebeforelight will be back next week, but a few days off now for the Cambridge film festival, and for me to tumble out of working life back into eternal studentry.

~ by David Thorley on September 20, 2010.

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