Who wants to be a squillionaire?

Look at this. Someone’s made a video map of the brain getting titillated at the prospect of becoming a swollen plutocrat like Wayne Rooney (I’m still down on Manchester United, after Andre Marriner’s craven chickening out of sending off Gary Neville on Sunday*).

*(For further wise words on which subject, here‘s Graham Poll.)

In the lingo of the guy that made the map, it “illustrates brain regions whose activity (or oxygen utilization) increases proportional to the amount of money people anticipate making.”

In a horrible collision of Jacobean revenge tragedy and dystopian sci-fi conceit,  it’s basically a piece of kit for scanning and putting the greedy in their proper order. Rooney, Henry I, and Mr Greedy have got red and yellow firework displays going off all over their midbrain dopamine neurons. While families of thought bubbles are clustered around, wearing scarves made of good ideas and licking dream-spun toffee apples, to watch them burn the guy of expecting to become richer than Mexico.

Incidentally, richer than Mexico’s richer than you’d think. Have a look at this map of the linkups between narcotraffickers and public servants in a Mexican cartel.

Anyway, back at the rich map, Brian Knuston says, “Researchers are now using activity in some of these regions to predict subjects’ upcoming choices (e.g., in investment or shopping scenarios).”

To hell with that. I want to see it on The Apprentice and Dragon’s Den. I would watch those programmes, if everyone – Dragons, fuckwitted entrepreneurs, Lord Sugar, the apprentices, everyone – was hooked up to the greedy-o-graph. You wouldn’t give any of them access to the information, but you’d tell them you were keeping it, and occasionally leak out a little tit-bit, just to put the obese, own-nest-feathering cat among the vulnerable, desperate pigeons.

I bet you any money the receptionist who sits in front of that rubbish Amstrad picture phone, would end up winning everything. She must know every last thing about that phone, even how to make it not shit. She could go on Dragon’s Den, recruit Duncan Bannatyne and mount a takeover of Lord Sugar, then send him to break rocks in Siberia. All she needs is the lust for glory.

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~ by David Thorley on October 27, 2010.

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