Gunfight at the OK Corral

Why does the US bother with elections? Why don’t they just give all the candidates a gun, drive them to a canyon, then come back a week later and give congressional places to the ones still standing.

Avid Therebeforelight readers will know how much I enjoy dissevering a cult like a shark snaffling goose liver Pâté, but here’s a cult that’s done something useful.

If we can take Christian Scientist’s catalogue of the 10 weirdest political ads as a representative sample (I can’t see any reason why not to) 50 per cent of candidates are either already armed, planning to raise and army, or have issued a what appears to be a veiled threat to make fish food out of terrorists.

Let’s deal with the last first. Here‘s Florida 8th District hopeful Dan Finelli’s patently racist (though he denies it) ad, in which he suddenly pops up from his apparent hiding place in a terrorist aircraft hanger, stares grimly into the camera and says, “My name is Dan Finelli. Send me to Washington, and I’ll send our enemies where they belong – and that’s not to a court room.”

I suspect Dan’s not a man of his word. For one thing, that footage clearly shows him interrupting two terrorists in the middle of making a bomb and discussing blowing up infidels. What does Dan do? He does not pick them up, tie them to a wrecking ball and pay dinosaurs to try and treat them as a punchbag. No, he spies a photo opportunity and addresses the camera. “I’m Dan Finelli, and I’ll send our enemies where they belong, after I’ve finished crimping my tonsure,” would have been a more accurate message.

Next here‘s standing down candidate (I guess that screws my statistics a bit doesn’t it) Dale Peterson attempting to kill a man in a lumberjack shirt.

And then we’ve got a tongue in cheek one, with some people pretending to be Chuck Norris. It seems like a smart-ass satire on the NRA-member, rifle-toting, Chuck-Norris-idolising, meat-headed stereotype. But then it turns out to be endorsed by Chuck Norris NRA. “I’m Chuck Norris, and I approve this message,” says Chuck before a graphic for an NRA funded register to vote for more bullets campaign flies out of his fist.

Then we’ve got Pamela Gordon, who lets off rifles like The Reverend Spooner confusing “loving” and “shepherd.” The best bit about this one though is the voiceover. Cut away from shot of gun crazy nutter loosing out round after round presumably at fiscal interventionists. Close up on her. She’s a woman you know. Cue voiceover: “Conservative Christian and a pretty fair shot.”

Is that code for vote Pamela Gordon or she’ll shoot you in the nostril from a distance?

Last up, this. I have no more to add.

~ by David Thorley on October 28, 2010.

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