A shot in the dark

Happy new year, merry old socks, jolly hockey sticks, yaa. I’m back. The guys at Electric Literature have done a little experiment about which book of 2010 is most likely to save your life. Here is is, a man discharging a small arm into a series of novels.

Turns out Witz, by Joshua Cohen is the most likely book to keep the bullets from your spinal cord. Useful fact to know, huh?

Well, yes it is. But I’m not buying into their Columbine, Jo-burg massive, So Solid macho son of  a gun Rapper’s Delight schtick. No way. We’re talking about bookish people in this experiment, the sort of bulbous, bespectacled chatterboxes that read Jonathan Franzen and David Mitchell. People in braces, both trouser and teeth. People with speech impediments, and opinions on museum funding. People who eat muesli and bib rioja. The sort of people who don’t watch Oprah. So when that guy says “we’re also serious about keeping you safe,” he’s being a bit disingenuous.

The number one most likely cause of death in the type of person I’ve just described, probably isn’t Speeding Bullet.

So, Electric Literature, what we want to know is: Can The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet cure gout? Does Freedom by Jonathan Franzen stop people from choking on biro lids while trying to look thoughtful? Will Adam Levin’s The Instructions prevent a surfeit of Greek yoghurt such that the victim weeps Onken before his book-stuffed brains explode from his ears? Can a Kindle stop a man from falling in his composter?

Further experiments required Electric Literature. If you’re really hoping to keep the book brigade safe.

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~ by David Thorley on January 11, 2011.

One Response to “A shot in the dark”

  1. Glad to have you back. Am resuming early starts in earnest on Thursday, so would appreciate a daily blog posted by 6.30am at the latest, to go with my breakfast.

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