When hedgerows had hooves

I have been set a challenge: write a poem about this.

So I’m going to do it. I’ll tell you all about it if it works, and if it fails I’ll just carry blithely on gibbering about Pokemon, punk rock and penis envy, and we’ll pretend it never happened.

So, this: it’s a Vegetable Lamb of Tartary. A sheep plant, if you’d rather. ” A legendary zoophyte of central Asia, believed to grow sheep as its fruit.”

It’s a bit like the triffids are here, but they’ve only half mastered the element of surprise.

Here’s how you grow one:

1. Take a new-born lamb.
2. Don’t snip the umbilical cord.
3. Fix it instead to the opened stem of a plant.
4. Watch them both die.
5. A new lamb will rise up in its place. Like this one →.

Apparently the legend has a grain in truth to in, in so far as a fern once looked like a sheep. But that’s it.

A veritable pantheon of splendid loonies has attested to its existence though.

Like him ↓.

 And him

→.

And him ↓.

Although ← he’s clearly part sheep anyway, and not to be trusted on matters in which he has so clear and present a conflict of interests.And for those that care, Sigismund von Herberstien is responsible for the fact that we don’t know how to spell tsar tsar or czar.

He’s also the only one using concealed stilts and a crinoline.

Anyway, to sum up, you all know what’s going to be going on in my little brain for the next week or so. Trees that blossom forth with sheep, and things that rhyme with rhizome.

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~ by David Thorley on May 10, 2011.

2 Responses to “When hedgerows had hooves”

  1. I’m confused. What is the ratio of new-born lamb to fruit lamb? If it’s 1:1 I’m not sure it’s worth the effort. Do they taste the same? Could you mix it with a mint plant?

  2. Theoretically, I’d have thought, you could propagate an whole roast dinner in one plant: just need to crossbreed, potatoes, carrots and parsnips with the mint, work in your lamb, and grow it up a trellis with a gravy boat perched at the top.

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