Spending pennies from heaven

Ooh, Argentina and Chile might go to war over Septuagenerian wee.

Chilean author Eduardo Labarca weed on Jorge Luis Borges, or rather weed above him, and then put a picture of himself in full flow over the Argentine brain weaver’s grave.

Apparently, it’s not even wee. He’s just pretending to wee, with a bottle of water. But let’s not let that get in the way of a good war.

What they should do is go to war in the style of the author whose honour they’re defending. Argentina could try and trap Chile in a battle which was actually a maze, and could be fought from twelve different perspectives at the same time… with magic. Then Chile could bomb Argentina with the sheer weight of its political learning. Or just wee on it.

Then Argentina would need a sort of lavatorial Star Wars Programme. Or, it’s Strategic Defence Initiative could just be that everyone in the country collectively put up umbrellas.

But enough of that. I don’t think Borges would mind too much about being weed on while dead. It’s probably quote boring being dead, and, as the man himself wrote, ‘Years of solitude had taught him that, in one’s memory, all days tend to be the same, but that there is not a day, not even in jail or in the hospital, which does not bring surprises, which is not a translucent network of minimal surprises.’

Also, didn’t he have some bonkers idea about how we shouldn’t congratulate Homer for having composed the Odyssey, because if we had unlimited time and resources, it would be all we could do not to compose the Odyssey? People would be tripping over their shoelaces and accidentally composing the Odyssey as they nipped out for tanning sessions or sandwiches.

Presumably the same obtains to weeing on the dead Borges. It’s only a matter of a full bladder, available time, and a grant from the Arts Council, else we’d all be at it.

~ by David Thorley on January 26, 2011.